just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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