According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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