Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
