I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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