i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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