Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize