You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
