He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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