I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
