Did you just see the Batmobile???
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
