That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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