There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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