watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
