The maid of honor just puked.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I need a beard to bite.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize