his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize