So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize