He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
