I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
