You're earring is so big in my mouth
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize