You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
