Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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