I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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