I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
