sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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