and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
