i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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