First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
