just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
