I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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