My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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