I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
They took my balls.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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