ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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