I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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