so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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