Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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