i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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