my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
