i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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