Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
