I think I died a long time ago.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize