thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
