How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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