so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
