So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
