Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
