False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
