He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
