Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
