Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
