I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
wow bdsm is so cute
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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