I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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