careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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