I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize