sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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