glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
