i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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