She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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