No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In other news, I just burned my penis
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
