so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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