I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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